FEELING: How To Vanquish Energy Vampires
We all know them. The people that seem to suck the life out of us, or even the air out of the room. Whether it's in your personal life or at work it's inevitable that you're going have the odd encounter, the trick is always going to be in how we choose to react.
The energy vampires we'll focus on in this exercise of those which are important relationships to us. Because they are important they can have a disproportionate impact on our overall energy. It's for this very reason that we must act and act quickly.
The way we normally handle energy vampires is to avoid them, procrastinate, whinge about them, make our encounters as short as possible or perhaps we may even drag some other poor unsuspecting soul along with us to share the pain.
None of these behaviours change the energy vampire dynamic. So it's time for something different.
The first rule is never let your day be filled with back-to-back energy vampires because that may lead you to practice 'wine-fulness' where you may need a glass (or a bottle) to destress from the day.
After that, we teach our clients this two step process.
Part One: Taking responsibility.
The simple truth is that we need to understand and accept that we cannot change people. We can only change ourselves. This means taking responsibility in the following ways.
- As this is a relationship, whether consciously or unconsciously, you have contributed to the energy vampire dynamic in some way. It's important to recognise the role you've played so that you then know how to change.
- When we see someone as an energy vampire they will always be one. It is essential for us to change and/or reframe the situation and person.
- Decide to do something different next time you spend time with them.
Part Two: Practice empathy.
Would you like to be labelled as an energy vampire? I'm guessing not. Which tells us that the vast majority wouldn't want that label either. This means two things; firstly that they probably aren't aware of this impact otherwise they'd be horrified (as would you) and secondly that their behaviour isn't about you.
Think about it logically. When we label someone an energy vampire what we are saying is that person woke up that morning with the sole purpose to suck the life out of you. Sorry to break it to you but you probably aren't that important to them. So practising empathy is about seeking to understand why this relationship is different from your energising ones and then changing your behaviour to see if you get a different result.
DISCLAIMER: This does not mean practicing empathy over and over again. Give it a go a couple of times and then if nothing changes either 'bookend' the person by putting something energising before and afterwards or find a way to make this relationship less important (even if that's just in your head).
Check out this video for more.